It can be devastating when we break up with someone we truly love. It can be even more devastating when that person leaves us for someone else. The pain is sometimes so unbearable to that just getting through the day becomes a challenge. I must have seen people do some crazy things when it comes to breaking up, some have gone to jail over losing someone. It is just not easy for anyone. My experience with breaking up and someone leaving me took me years to get over.
I fell in love with this woman, I will call her Barb, some years ago. I really felt Barb was the one. I was so in love with her, I vowed Barb would be the one I would spend my life with. I felt I was done with messing around with other women, I was ready to settle down.
I had a feeling Barb was seeing this girl, but I was not sure. About two years in, we ended up breaking up and about a week later, she ended up with her. I was devastated. It is hard when you love somebody so much, you feel that if you lose them, it is the end of the world.
Try Hard to Avoid Them
I started going out to one of the main clubs in the city. I was feeling down but I was hoping maybe to meet someone else and just have a conversation, nothing serious, but just to past the time. I had been in the club about maybe 30 minutes, when who walks in? Barb and her new girlfriend hand in hand. My heart sank. I tried to act as though I did not care, because this was one of those clubs where everybody knew about your business.
There was another night where it was ladies night. The night was going well. I do not drink but I felt ok. The club was filling up quickly like it always did, and we were getting a big crowd. I walked through the crowd when who did I see? It seems no matter what club I went to, I could not avoid her and her new girlfriend. It is funny, Barb did not go out that much before she met me.
Those were not the only times I ran into them together; I would run into them at grocery stores, malls, and other places around the city. Every time I would see them, my heart would start pounding and I would get nervous and start to shake. It seemed like I was always constantly being reminded.
The things that we go through when we break up with someone. It seems sometimes, the knife that’s already in our guts, just keep churning. Barb never had a clue of how hurt I was, and I do not think she really cared. Barb went on with her life as though as she was starting something new, only with a different person.
What I Didn’t Do And Why
Even though I cannot say I did not think about it, because I did. But then I started to think, if I killed myself, then Barb might cry, come to my funeral but that is about it. Barb would then go on with her new girl and they would still be together and smiling. No, I could not give them the satisfaction.
Kill her or both of them
I thought about this too, (just a thought). Now this would only end me up in jail for life. I could not bear being in prison for the rest of my life. Even if they were gone, I would still be sad and the thought of going that far to get back at her would not be worth it.
Get high or drink a lot
Some people drown themselves in alcohol or drugs. Since I was not into either (thought about it) because alcohol made me sick to my stomach and I was not into drugs.
Hook up with other women
I did try to date, but I was so into her, at the time, I could not think of being with anyone else. It probably would have made things worse for me.
Stay in all day and cry
Now I cried and I cried, but I knew I could not just stop my life and cry. I think crying is good sometimes because it is a way to helps us release our pain, but I just could not stay in and focus on that.
Keep calling and begging her to come back
Knowing she was with someone else hurt, but for me to continuously call her, was a waste of time. I’m just not the begging type.
Things I Did to Get Over Her
Drove to the park
While there were other places like the mountains, cities, and other areas of towns that I visited, I drove through the park a lot. It was one of my favorite places to go. We did not have beaches where I lived, so to me the park was the next best thing. I think it was the sun and the green grass that made me feel better.
Did some traveling
I did some traveling to several different states. I got to spend some time on the beach far away from all the pain. When I traveled, I knew there was no way I would run into her. I knew where I was, Barb was miles away from. I was able to relax and move around and go out without fear of running into her and her girlfriend.
Went to the movies
I went to a lot of movies, Sometimes I would go with a friend or relative, but most of time I went alone.
Went roller skating
Since roller skating something I loved to do, I went skating many times. Not only was this a way of letting off steam, but it also helped me burn off some calories as well.
Hooked up with a friend and started writing
I found a friend who had a mutual interest in writing. We loved movies and we each made a goal to write so many words per day until it was finished. I finished it, but it was not anything to talk about. It kept me occupied for some months.
Read a lot of books
Although I cannot remember the books that I read, but I know I got through a few. Books have a way of taking you somewhere else. Sometimes I would spend hours reading.
The reason why I list all the things I did, is so that you can see, between the times of feeling pain, I struggle through days, months, even years of trying to keep myself busy. Between work and the other activities, you can see it took a lot of hours. I had those moments when my mind would wonder back to her then I would get sad.
During this time, Barb moved in with her girlfriend, bought a house, and a car. When I heard that, it really hurt. The exact things we had planned to do. It was like all the dreams and plans that we had, got stolen away from me. “How could Barb do this to me?” I ask myself this question so many times. How could you just love me or say you love me and stab me in the back like that? What did I do? I felt so betrayed, and I had no understanding. I thought nobody could tear us apart.
Between work and the other activities, you can see it took a lot. I struggled through hours, days, months, even years of pain. During this time, she moved in with her girlfriend, bought a house, and a car. When I heard that, it really hurt. The exact things we had planned to do. It was like all the dreams and plans that we had were just stolen away from me.
Reasons Why I Needed to Move On
- I had to accept, that is you cannot make someone love you.
- You cannot force someone to change or make a person feel a certain way. People are not property.
- This would be one experience of many, that I will go through in my life. Learn from it.
- Let’s say she did come back against her will; how would that make me feel? I want to know someone is with me because they want them to be, not against their will.
- We do not always get answers or closure, but I know if Barb really wanted to be there with me, she would have been there.
I look back at all it and think, what if I had done the negative things I thought of doing, where would I be now? It has been many years and I have moved on. I do not regret nor am I still sad about it. Time has made me a stronger person for it. I have been hurt a couple of times after that, but I did not break down like I did with Barb. I was stronger and although it still hurt, I knew that I would be ok without them. I know they were just not meant to stay.
Let me know how you got over your break up. Leave a comment.