NOW THAT SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS LEGAL, IS IT FOR ME?

Now that same-sex marriage is legal, does that mean we should get married?

Having been in several relationships, I have often contemplated marriage.  Marriage sounded good. It sounded complete. When I think about the times, I was seriously considering marrying someone and that has been a few times. I realized that if I had married those women, they would have been big mistakes.

Since same-sex marriage has not always been legal and even today, it is still not in some states. To make that step for me, would have been major.  I had never been married before to anyone, so I had to really consider the indepthness of it all. 

I have attended several gay and straight weddings which some lasted, but a few failed miserably. I certainly did not want my first and hopefully “only” marriage to be a disaster too.

I have been in maybe two or three so-called real relationships. Some lasted for two or three years. One lasted for many years. With each one I thought about marriage because I felt I was in love and that was what we should do.

The one relationship I had that did last for many years, felt like a marriage because we had invested so many years together. If we had been a straight couple, we probably would have “tied the knot” a few months after we met but it was not legal then. Now would this marriage have lasted.  No, it would not have. The truth is if we had gotten married, it would have ended badly, probably in divorce. So, I am glad we did not get married.

Today I think a lot of gay couples jump into marriage too quickly.  Just because it is legal, and they are in love. But believe, me sometimes that “love stuff”, is just not enough. Being in love does not mean that marriage is right for you. Going into marriage without really knowing each other can end up disastrously.  Just because two people are in love, does not mean being marriage is going to work.  

Truth is that any marriage made today can come out disastrous.  But to some, gay and straight, marriage is taken too lightly.

Some couples, just having a ceremony and taking vows means marriage to them. Because when you sign those papers, it brings on a whole new realty, it is legal.

So before jumping into marriage, here are some serious questions I asked myself to help me decide.

1. Do We Love Each Other?
We must love each other.
2. Do We Trust Each Other?
This is also a must. Since I have been cheated on in the past like so many of us have, I really needed to know that we could trust her.
3. Do We Respect Each Other?
For me respect is no matter where she is or who she is with, whether I am there or not, she lets everyone know she is mine and I am hers. She demands that no matter what, nobody crosses those lines. This is important to me because I want to feel that I am that one woman in her life. That special person she chose. Likewise, I want to make her feel the same. No flirting or looking at other men or women. We wear our rings proudly.
4. Can We Communicate?
When I say communicate, I mean we can talk about anything. I need to be able talk and be able to express myself to her.
5. Are We in Love With Each Other?
We both love each other but both of us must be in love.
6. Can We Accept Each Other for Who We Are?
This is where I say I love you just the way you are.  Can I say that and really mean it? What if she gains a lot of weight or loses her teeth? Or maybe she gets sick or becomes disable, will that matter. Or what if that happens to me? Will she leave me? It must be in sickness and in health. To death do us part.
7. Are We Honest With Each other?
I know you don't tell each other everything about our lives, but this is the part where we talk about any past Ex’s, boyfriends, friends, that I might have deal with. Are there some kids I don't know about? Are there some girlfriends still in the picture? Let’s just be honest with other.
                                                                                                  
8. Can We Accept Each Other’s Past?
Everybody has a past; you know those skeletons in our closets. But this part right here, whether it be good bad or ugly, will we be able to accept it.  If something does come up from our past, is it going to bother me or her? Is it going to upset one of us or make one of us mad?  So, I need to know we can accept each other’s past.
 
9. What Are We Willing to Give Up?
Family, friends, money, location etc.
 
10. Will There Be Kids Involved if so, how do You Both Feel About Kids?
Some women want kids or already have kids. Kids always come along with whichever parent. Something I have never had a problem with.
11. Can We Come Together and Resolve Our Issues?
It is one thing to be able to communicate but another to be able to resolve a problem or come up with a solution.
12. Are We Compatible?
I have been in relationships that there was no compatibility and it is like night and day.  The act of just carrying on a conversation to me is hard with a person you have nothing in common with. So being compatible is very important. I have also been in relationships that were driven by money. Too stressful, especially when she wants more and more, and you do not have it to give.
 
13. Do We Share Some of the Same Goals?
How do you we feel about jobs, income, kids, and family? Do we want to live in the same state or relocate? What are our goals in life? What do we want to achieve together?
14. Will Our Families Accept Us If Not, How Will We Handle This?
This is very important when it comes to gay couples. Acceptance from each other’s family is important because family can mean a lot to some and if you clash, well sometimes that can get ugly.  So, it is important to know how we both are going deal with family.
                                          
15. Sexual Compatibility?
When it comes to sexual compatibility, everyone has their own preferences. The main thing to me is to be honest about everything going in, that way there will not be any surprises later.
I know nobody is perfect. I am far from it, but marriage is something that is serious and not to be taken lightly. Not to say this is a perfect list, but when it comes to spending the rest of my life with someone, asking these questions and more, made it possible for me to get to know that person I would be marrying and her to know me as well.

I am not saying a list is good for everybody because you may have your own way of doing things, but it helped me avoid going through those same things that didn’t work in my past relationships.
 

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