She left me for someone else, How i got over her

It can be devastating when we break up with someone we truly love. It can be even more devastating when that person leaves us for someone else. The pain is sometimes so unbearable to that just getting through the day becomes a challenge. I must have seen people do some crazy things when it comes to breaking up, some have gone to jail over losing someone. It is just not easy for anyone. My experience with breaking up and someone leaving me took me years to get over.

I fell in love with this woman, I will call her Barb, some years ago. I really felt Barb was the one. I was so in love with her, I vowed Barb would be the one I would spend my life with. I felt I was done with messing around with other women, I was ready to settle down.

I had a feeling Barb was seeing this girl, but I was not sure. About two years in, we ended up breaking up and about a week later, she ended up with her. I was devastated. It is hard when you love somebody so much, you feel that if you lose them, it is the end of the world.

Try Hard to Avoid Them

I started going out to one of the main clubs in the city. I was feeling down but I was hoping maybe to meet someone else and just have a conversation, nothing serious, but just to past the time. I had been in the club about maybe 30 minutes, when who walks in? Barb and her new girlfriend hand in hand. My heart sank. I tried to act as though I did not care, because this was one of those clubs where everybody knew about your business.

There was another night where it was ladies night. The night was going well. I do not drink but I felt ok. The club was filling up quickly like it always did, and we were getting a big crowd. I walked through the crowd when who did I see? It seems no matter what club I went to, I could not avoid her and her new girlfriend. It is funny, Barb did not go out that much before she met me.

Those were not the only times I ran into them together; I would run into them at grocery stores, malls, and other places around the city. Every time I would see them, my heart would start pounding and I would get nervous and start to shake. It seemed like I was always constantly being reminded.

The things that we go through when we break up with someone. It seems sometimes, the knife that’s already in our guts, just keep churning. Barb never had a clue of how hurt I was, and I do not think she really cared. Barb went on with her life as though as she was starting something new, only with a different person.

What I Didn’t Do And Why

Commit Suicide

Even though I cannot say I did not think about it, because I did. But then I started to think, if I killed myself, then Barb might cry, come to my funeral but that is about it. Barb would then go on with her new girl and they would still be together and smiling. No, I could not give them the satisfaction.

Kill her or both of them

I thought about this too, (just a thought). Now this would only end me up in jail for life. I could not bear being in prison for the rest of my life. Even if they were gone, I would still be sad and the thought of going that far to get back at her would not be worth it.

Get high or drink a lot

Some people drown themselves in alcohol or drugs. Since I was not into either (thought about it) because alcohol made me sick to my stomach and I was not into drugs.

Hook up with other women

I did try to date, but I was so into her, at the time, I could not think of being with anyone else. It probably would have made things worse for me.

Stay in all day and cry

Now I cried and I cried, but I knew I could not just stop my life and cry. I think crying is good sometimes because it is a way to helps us release our pain, but I just could not stay in and focus on that.

Keep calling and begging her to come back

Knowing she was with someone else hurt, but for me to continuously call her, was a waste of time. I’m just not the begging type.

Things I Did to Get Over Her

Drove to the park

While there were other places like the mountains, cities, and other areas of towns that I visited, I drove through the park a lot. It was one of my favorite places to go. We did not have beaches where I lived, so to me the park was the next best thing. I think it was the sun and the green grass that made me feel better.

Did some traveling

I did some traveling to several different states. I got to spend some time on the beach far away from all the pain. When I traveled, I knew there was no way I would run into her. I knew where I was, Barb was miles away from. I was able to relax and move around and go out without fear of running into her and her girlfriend.

Went to the movies

I went to a lot of movies, Sometimes I would go with a friend or relative, but most of time I went alone.

Went roller skating

Since roller skating something I loved to do, I went skating many times. Not only was this a way of letting off steam, but it also helped me burn off some calories as well.

Hooked up with a friend and started writing

I found a friend who had a mutual interest in writing. We loved movies and we each made a goal to write so many words per day until it was finished. I finished it, but it was not anything to talk about. It kept me occupied for some months.

Read a lot of books

Although I cannot remember the books that I read, but I know I got through a few. Books have a way of taking you somewhere else. Sometimes I would spend hours reading.

The reason why I list all the things I did, is so that you can see, between the times of feeling pain, I struggle through days, months, even years of trying to keep myself busy. Between work and the other activities, you can see it took a lot of hours. I had those moments when my mind would wonder back to her then I would get sad.

During this time, Barb moved in with her girlfriend, bought a house, and a car. When I heard that, it really hurt. The exact things we had planned to do. It was like all the dreams and plans that we had, got stolen away from me. “How could Barb do this to me?” I ask myself this question so many times. How could you just love me or say you love me and stab me in the back like that? What did I do? I felt so betrayed, and I had no understanding. I thought nobody could tear us apart.

Between work and the other activities, you can see it took a lot. I struggled through hours, days, months, even years of pain. During this time, she moved in with her girlfriend, bought a house, and a car. When I heard that, it really hurt. The exact things we had planned to do. It was like all the dreams and plans that we had were just stolen away from me.

Reasons Why I Needed to Move On

• I had to accept, that is you cannot make someone love you.
• You cannot force someone to change or make a person feel a certain way. People are not property.
• This would be one experience of many, that I will go through in my life. Learn from it.
• Let’s say she did come back against her will; how would that make me feel? I want to know someone is with me because they want them to be, not against their will.
• We do not always get answers or closure, but I know if Barb really wanted to be there with me, she would have been there.

I look back at all it and think, what if I had done the negative things I thought of doing, where would I be now? It has been many years and I have moved on. I do not regret nor am I still sad about it. Time has made me a stronger person for it. I have been hurt a couple of times after that, but I did not break down like I did with Barb. I was stronger and although it still hurt, I knew that I would be ok without them. I know they were just not meant to stay.

Let me know how you got over your break up. Leave a comment.

WHAT’S YEAR’S GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Fem/Studs, step up your game in 2021

It has been a tough year for a lot us. Some of us have had to change , postpone, and rearrange our goals. Despite the challenges of 2020, we look forward to improving ourselves in so many ways.

Whatever goals you have for the year, let’s step it up.

Job or Career

Some of us lost our jobs last year or maybe you just didn’t have. Either way, if a job is what you need to step it up, here are some websites that might help.

Indeed – A job site with thousands of jobs and help on finding employment

A Shout Out.Net – A new website that allows you to advertise your skills and talents. It also allows individuals access to their job board.

Ziprecruiter – A job site that has hundreds of jobs and services.

Resume Help – Free resume help and templates.

Fitness & Health

Is your goal to eat better or get a better body? Let get on it! If your goal is to lose weight, then join a gym or create your own little work out area at home. Here are some websites to visit:

24 Hour Fitness

Planet Fitness

Gold’s Gym

Finance

Whether your goal is to save, invest in stocks, consolidate, repair your credit, get a bad credit loan, whatever you need to improve your finances, take some time to do something about your money and finances.

Starting a Business

For those who are looking to work for themselves and start their own business, I want to share the video below:

Score – is non-profit organization that offers mentoring, advice, education and more to help you start a business.

Business Loans – Offers business loans and business services.

Education

If education has been one of your excuses, although there so many educational resources such as YouTube, and other really knowledgeable sites, below are some sites that provide some free learning courses;

Free 1 month Microsoft Office classes

Free Online GED courses

New Connections

You might want to make some new friend or love connections. Elite Singles is a good place to start.

EliteSingles – Lesbian Dating

Fashion

Bring in the new year with a new look or just do some up-grades. Remember looking and smelling good is a must!

 

                       

Stepping Up Our Game

Your goals my not be in these areas, but whatever they are, let’s start the new year out by striving to achieve those goals for 2021, by stepping up our game!

Below are some Free information on goalsetting and self-improvement:

Improving Oneself For Good and Achieve Goals in Life

How to Set and Achieve Goals

15 Side Hustle Businesses to Start That Can Make You Extra Money in Your Local Area

We really have come a long way

A Look Back on Being a “Gay Woman”

A beautiful thing about being in love, is that it comes in all sizes, color, ethic backgrounds etc. but it extends back into time. Not accepted by all but felt by so many.

Maybe in Time

There was that time when we hid our love, so deep inside us so no one could see.

That secret love between you and me.

We played the game of who we were.

Only that connection between her and her.

Our loving looks

Our romantic books

To whom it belonged

Only understood in our songs

I longed so much for you in my dreams

Not able to act it out by any means

Why, oh why?

Why can’t I be free and have you

To no avail I am apart of you

Please let us be ourselves

Even though we’re not like anyone else

Maybe in time, maybe in time

This will all be over, and you will be mine

By Keyty

Should I Date a “Straight” Woman?

First question is, what are our intentions? Why are we dating each other in the first place? What do I want with her? Am I just wanting to date her just to “hit” it? Or am I looking for a relationship with her?

Next question I ask is, why would she want to date me? One thing I need to think about is, when a so called “straight” woman accepts to go out with a stud (gay) woman, she herself is stepping out of her “zone”. This woman is straight, and usually dates males, then why me? So, what are her intentions? Is she just sexually curious, or is she seeking to have a relationship with me?

Even though a woman is “straight” her intentions with you could be she is ready to settle down and is tired of the abuse or disrespect she has been getting from men and wants something different. These women know were not men, so if that were an issue, then they would not date us in the first place.

The truth is, some women are “real”. They do not play games. When it comes to relationships, they take them seriously no matter who they are with a Male or Female. They will be dedicated, committed and loyal.

So, I do not think the question is should I date a straight woman, but should I date “this” woman”?

NOW THAT SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS LEGAL, IS IT FOR ME?

Now that same-sex marriage is legal, does that mean we should get married?

Having been in several relationships, I have often contemplated marriage.  Marriage sounded good. It sounded complete. When I think about the times, I was seriously considering marrying someone and that has been a few times. I realized that if I had married those women, they would have been big mistakes.

Since same-sex marriage has not always been legal and even today, it is still not in some states. To make that step for me, would have been major.  I had never been married before to anyone, so I had to really consider the indepthness of it all. 

I have attended several gay and straight weddings which some lasted, but a few failed miserably. I certainly did not want my first and hopefully “only” marriage to be a disaster too.

I have been in maybe two or three so-called real relationships. Some lasted for two or three years. One lasted for many years. With each one I thought about marriage because I felt I was in love and that was what we should do.

The one relationship I had that did last for many years, felt like a marriage because we had invested so many years together. If we had been a straight couple, we probably would have “tied the knot” a few months after we met but it was not legal then. Now would this marriage have lasted.  No, it would not have. The truth is if we had gotten married, it would have ended badly, probably in divorce. So, I am glad we did not get married.

Today I think a lot of gay couples jump into marriage too quickly.  Just because it is legal, and they are in love. But believe, me sometimes that “love stuff”, is just not enough. Being in love does not mean that marriage is right for you. Going into marriage without really knowing each other can end up disastrously.  Just because two people are in love, does not mean being marriage is going to work.  

Truth is that any marriage made today can come out disastrous.  But to some, gay and straight, marriage is taken too lightly.

Some couples, just having a ceremony and taking vows means marriage to them. Because when you sign those papers, it brings on a whole new realty, it is legal.

So before jumping into marriage, here are some serious questions I asked myself to help me decide.

1. Do We Love Each Other?
We must love each other.
2. Do We Trust Each Other?
This is also a must. Since I have been cheated on in the past like so many of us have, I really needed to know that we could trust her.
3. Do We Respect Each Other?
For me respect is no matter where she is or who she is with, whether I am there or not, she lets everyone know she is mine and I am hers. She demands that no matter what, nobody crosses those lines. This is important to me because I want to feel that I am that one woman in her life. That special person she chose. Likewise, I want to make her feel the same. No flirting or looking at other men or women. We wear our rings proudly.
4. Can We Communicate?
When I say communicate, I mean we can talk about anything. I need to be able talk and be able to express myself to her.
5. Are We in Love With Each Other?
We both love each other but both of us must be in love.
6. Can We Accept Each Other for Who We Are?
This is where I say I love you just the way you are.  Can I say that and really mean it? What if she gains a lot of weight or loses her teeth? Or maybe she gets sick or becomes disable, will that matter. Or what if that happens to me? Will she leave me? It must be in sickness and in health. To death do us part.
7. Are We Honest With Each other?
I know you don't tell each other everything about our lives, but this is the part where we talk about any past Ex’s, boyfriends, friends, that I might have deal with. Are there some kids I don't know about? Are there some girlfriends still in the picture? Let’s just be honest with other.
                                                                                                  
8. Can We Accept Each Other’s Past?
Everybody has a past; you know those skeletons in our closets. But this part right here, whether it be good bad or ugly, will we be able to accept it.  If something does come up from our past, is it going to bother me or her? Is it going to upset one of us or make one of us mad?  So, I need to know we can accept each other’s past.
 
9. What Are We Willing to Give Up?
Family, friends, money, location etc.
 
10. Will There Be Kids Involved if so, how do You Both Feel About Kids?
Some women want kids or already have kids. Kids always come along with whichever parent. Something I have never had a problem with.
11. Can We Come Together and Resolve Our Issues?
It is one thing to be able to communicate but another to be able to resolve a problem or come up with a solution.
12. Are We Compatible?
I have been in relationships that there was no compatibility and it is like night and day.  The act of just carrying on a conversation to me is hard with a person you have nothing in common with. So being compatible is very important. I have also been in relationships that were driven by money. Too stressful, especially when she wants more and more, and you do not have it to give.
 
13. Do We Share Some of the Same Goals?
How do you we feel about jobs, income, kids, and family? Do we want to live in the same state or relocate? What are our goals in life? What do we want to achieve together?
14. Will Our Families Accept Us If Not, How Will We Handle This?
This is very important when it comes to gay couples. Acceptance from each other’s family is important because family can mean a lot to some and if you clash, well sometimes that can get ugly.  So, it is important to know how we both are going deal with family.
                                          
15. Sexual Compatibility?
When it comes to sexual compatibility, everyone has their own preferences. The main thing to me is to be honest about everything going in, that way there will not be any surprises later.
I know nobody is perfect. I am far from it, but marriage is something that is serious and not to be taken lightly. Not to say this is a perfect list, but when it comes to spending the rest of my life with someone, asking these questions and more, made it possible for me to get to know that person I would be marrying and her to know me as well.

I am not saying a list is good for everybody because you may have your own way of doing things, but it helped me avoid going through those same things that didn’t work in my past relationships.